There are a lot of memorable events in my life so far. However, there is one I can never forget. It was during my second year in high school when I got to play the role of the Fairy Godmother in our school’s annual drama, which that year was Cinderella. Before months' rehearsal, we had an audition. Before the director starting to rehearse, we had an audition. Luckily, I was selected to play the role of Fairy Godmother, which was my favorite part of the entire play. We began the months’ rehearsing and preparing afterwards. After the audition, we began one month's rehearsal and preparation. My classmates and I had so much fun but at the same time we had much pressure because of not knowing whether we could perform good enough to reach the director’s expectation.
The day we had our play was a wonderful day; everything goes so well that I wondered if I was having a dream. When I was on stage with Cinderella, the spotlights were so bright that I could barely see people off stage. I then became more relaxed and felt ready to show people what I’ve got. Finally when the curtain went down, the audience applauded and then everybody my classmates and I shouted out loud crying, hugging each other.
Weeks had passed after the play, my friends and I still couldn’t forget about the joy being on stage. Even now I can still remember clearly the moment I was presenting.
Hi Gerda,
回覆刪除The whole event is clearly presented in understandable time order. Good job.
Just, I'm a little bit worried that some sets of grammar used in your writing are not so correct.
Allow me to tell you about them one by one
1. However, there was one I can never forget.
However, there is one (that) I can never forget.
因為這個one是現在沒法忘掉的所以用簡單現在式
2.
It was during my second year in high school when I got to play the role of the Fairy Godmother in our school’s annual drama, which that year was Cinderela.
寫得好
3. Before the director starting to rehearse, we had an audition.
這裡的分詞構句不對喔
而"開始rehearse之前我們有視鏡"這一點的邏輯好像...好像...well, you know...不對
4. We began the months’ rehearsing and preparing afterwards.
第一、定冠詞the不對，因為你指定了，是你前頭沒有提到你們要做一個月的練習，所以用one month才對
第二、我發現你最近狂愛用動名詞，但是時間所有格，如one month，加動名詞rehearsing and preparing又非常怪，雖然文法上是正確的，所以請用: After the audition, we began one month's rehearsal and preparation.
5. My classmates and I had so much fun but at the same time we had much pressure because of not knowing....
這裡的動名詞就用得好
6. The day we had our play was a wonderful day, everything goes so well that I wondered if I was having a dream.
前面的逗號請改句號或分號
7. When I was on stage with Cinderella, the spotlights were so bright that I could barely see people off stage.
Good sentence
8. Finally when the curtain went down, audience applauded and then everybody shouted out loud crying, hugging each other.
第一、the audience
第二、這個everybody是指觀眾還是表演的人? Be specific. I know you refered to the performers; however, the way you put 'everybody' here was actually unclear.
9. Weeks had passed after the play, my friends and I still couldn’t forget about the joy being on stage.
改: Weeks after the play, my friends...